In Money and Life… Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Comparison is the thief of joy.

This is obviously not a new statement. Yet it rings true across pretty much every aspect of life. Money. Work. Beauty. Love. Friends.

It’s only human nature to compare ourselves to others. Unfortunately, it’s also really easy to do these days with the prevalence of social media.

While it’s wonderful to learn from and be inspired by others, the only comparison that should really matter is the comparison of you… to yourself.

Social media makes comparison easier and joy harder

With social media, comparison is as simple as opening up an app and scrolling. We’re bombarded with highly curated and edited images or videos of people living their best lives, or at least seemingly so.

Because it’s so easy to compare ourselves to others on social media, it’s become more challenging than ever to avoid allowing this comparison to determine our own sense of value and success.

Fortunately, there has been a greater focus on these risks in recent years. Unfortunately, this new focus is likely due to the increase in youth suicide and bullying. Several studies and surveys have been published citing the significantly negative impact social media has on our mental health.

I am not a role model

When I share my family’s financial stats on social media, I often receive comments or messages congratulating us on our success or calling our numbers “#goals.”

I’m only human so receiving praise is flattering, of course.

I share our numbers because I believe that transparency and normalizing talking about money are important. However, the idea of being a role model makes me uncomfortable.

While I do believe that most of our financial practices are good examples of how to manage money, we aren’t perfect.

It’s fine to feel motivated by someone else’s success, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have all the facts when comparing to someone else. Additionally, there are multiple facets to living a successful life.

We’ve been successful from a financial perspective. A lot of the things we practice, such as value spending, investing in low fee index funds, and tracking our spending, could help most people improve their financial situation.

However, our story will be different than yours.

Your background, starting point, and privileges are likely to be different from our ours. Because of that, you could do everything the same and still end up with drastically different results. This is why it’s dangerous to compare your success to others.

I may have my financial shit together, but I’m still a hot mess in other areas

I grew up in the 80’s and early 90’s. We didn’t have social media influencers in our face a million times a day. Heck, we didn’t have social media at all until I was in college. This was the beginning of the internet era, with AOL dial up and flip phones.

It’s only human nature to compare ourselves to others. Luckily, we had fewer sources with which to compare.

I remember looking at models and actresses in movies and magazines and feeling envy. But that’s it. It was damaging to my mental health nonetheless, and I had a rough time during certain years of my youth. But I can’t imagine having gone through those years today, with social media fueling the fire. Like my own child will have to do.

I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others… but I just can’t stop

If some of this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. I scroll through social media and fall victim to comparison just like everyone else.

Because we’re in a great place financially, money is not a trigger for me.

If money is a trigger for you, it’s important to remember that a lot of influencers bragging about their financial success on social media aren’t as successful as they seem. Many are trying to push a product, coaching service, crypto, or some other risky “get rich quick” scheme.

The social media accounts who steal my joy are the ones that are super healthy & fit or are super happy & outgoing. These exposures are my trigger, because they are the areas of my life that I’ve struggled with the most. While I might initially find motivation in following these accounts, I soon begin to find myself in full comparison mode, and feeling worse about myself.

This is one of the many reasons I try to limit my time on social media and the accounts I follow.

We are all unique, and that’s a good thing

Someone looking in at our lives won’t see the whole picture. Nor do we see the whole picture when observing others. We are all unique, with our own struggles and strengths.

I’m a financially successful person. But I’m also a person with extreme introverted tendencies and frequent bouts of social anxiety. I’ve battled with my weight and an unhealthy relationship with food my whole life. From obsessively counting calories and over exercising, to binge eating an entire package of cookies and gaining 30+ pounds, I’ve dealt with the ups and downs.

And even though I’m currently in a place where my health has improved and weight is normal, the mental struggle and negative feelings are lurking nearby.

It is something that I have to be mindful of when consuming information.

You’re triggers will likely be different from mine, but determining what they are will help you identify and avoid unhealthy comparison.

Don’t let comparison be the thief of your joy

For our entire existence, we humans have compared ourselves with others. It’s natural, but it can be harmful in our modern society.

By being mindful of these tendencies, we can identify our triggers and move towards a life where we don’t determine our value based on other people’s success. You don’t need to “keep up with the Joneses” to be successful.

Learn from others and find motivation in others, but try not to compare your own success (or lack thereof) to others. Their story is different than yours, and comparison is the thief of joy.

Instead, compare yourself to the you of yesterday. That is the only fair comparison that we can make.

Have you made progress towards your goals or ditched a few bad habits? Celebrate it!  Who cares if someone else has more money or is a smaller pants size. You’re winning in your own life!

You are better than you were yesterday, and that’s the only comparison that matters.

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