Why Do I Feel So Guilty Spending Money?

We’re almost to our FIRE goal, but sometimes I still feel guilty or shameful when spending money. Even when doing so aligns with our value-based spending philosophy. Recently this feeling caused us to waste a lot of time trying to do a project ourselves that we should have just hired out from the start.

Money shame is real. No matter where you are on your financial independence or debt-free journey, it’s easy to get carried away by the momentum of your progress. Doing so can cause you to tighten the purse strings a little too much, often at the expense of your own happiness.

When these situations occur, remember what your working towards and push away the guilt. Money is a tool, and sometimes you just have to use it … and call in the professionals.

The tale of my husband vs. the Oleander bushes          

A long time ago, someone planted two Oleander bushes in our backyard, which they then neglected for 20+ years until they grew into monstrosities. The bushes were 15+ feet in height and diameter, which is a problem because they are smack in the middle of our moderately-sized backyard.

Rocks and giant toxic bushes aren’t great for kids, so we’re installing turf as part of our home renovation. We live in the low desert, so grass doesn’t grow here without wasting a ridiculous amount of water. But first, we needed to get rid of these bushes.

In the couple years we’ve lived here, we’ve chopped the Oleander bushes down to the stump twice. Both times they came back with vengeance. We finally decided to dig them up in order to create a flat area for turf.

Being the frugal family we are, Mr. RFL got himself a pickaxe and went to work digging a giant hole around the root ball, hacking at it for hours at a time (in 100+ degree weather). Although he got a great workout while trying, it became clear after a few weekends full of sweaty manual labor and trying several internet DIY hacks, that this was a futile task.   

We both begrudgingly accepted that we were going to need to call in the pros and actually spend some money. In the end it cost $1,000 and took the crew less than an hour, although they did have 4 men and a massive diesel stump grinder.

Why did it take us so long to hire someone?

One word: GUILT

Yep, you read that right. We’re almost financially independent, but sometimes I still feel guilty spending money. This is the primary reason we didn’t immediately hire someone to help us remove the bushes until well after it became clear that Mr. RFL was just wasting his time.

It wasn’t about the $1,000 dollars itself. We have plenty of money saved specifically for this renovation project which would cover this expense. It was more about the principle of paying someone to do something I thought we could/should do ourselves.

For some inexplicable reason, I just really wanted to avoid having to spend the money. Never mind the fact that it would have taken up a crazy amount of Mr. RFL’s time (and probably still require renting some equipment) to get the job done ourselves.

Does the FIRE movement make you feel guilty about spending money?

Although I’ve always been a bit frugal, I can’t help but wonder if we would have given in and hired help sooner if we hadn’t been pursuing FIRE. Or, if I didn’t write a blog where I’d have to shamefully share all the details of our monthly spending.

Before we began this very public journey, I imagine Mr. RFL would have insisted on hiring someone after only a couple hours of futile efforts, rather than multiple weekends. Bless his heart, he tries to make me look good for all of you.

We didn’t make the best decision because I felt guilty about spending too much money, even though spending money would have aligned with our core values in this case. A worse decision would have been continuing to waste our time just to save a few bucks.

While I was worried about how quick the job would be for the professionals compared to the amount of money they’d charge, I forgot to consider how much of my partner’s time it would take if we did the work ourselves. Changing the way I viewed the problem, finally helped me to rationalize the cost and realize that I was actually setting a bad example for those on the path to FI.

This isn’t the first time that FIRE spending guilt has reared its ugly head. Earlier this year, that same feeling was responsible for me delaying or reconsidering certain medical procedures or tests that I didn’t deem as necessary (though may have been helpful). It’s also prevented me from saying “yes” to pricey outings with friends on more than once occasion.

But… isn’t saving more money a GOOD thing?

Yes, it is. To a certain extent. Saving a lot of money, trying things ourselves, and knowing when to say “no” has played a crucial role in getting us to where we are today. Some level of financial restraint is required to achieve financial independence. However, money isn’t always the most valuable resource in an equation.

“You can always make more money… but time is in limited supply. “

Decisions like this, where we trade a significant amount of time for the sole purpose of saving money, don’t align with our values. We whole-heartedly believe that money should be used as a tool to make your life better.

But no one’s perfect.

Every now and then, even I get caught up in the exuberance of achieving a high savings rate or reaching financial independence faster and forget to enjoy the journey. Although we try to live mostly in line with our value-spending philosophy, there are times when the FIRE guilt wins out.

It’s exciting and motivating to see how every dollar saved brings you closer to freedom. But if you let it, that thrill can become addicting. You begin to second guess every dollar spent. This can be a good thing for some people, since the average American lives paycheck to paycheck. However, for anyone whose gotten their finances under control, this second guessing can lead to an unhealthy relationship with money.  

I know this is an issue for me at times. Frugality begins to bleed over into cheapness. But knowing doesn’t make it any easier to spend money without the guilt.

Stop feeling guilty about (value) spending your money

Remember your “why” for pursuing financial independence or debt freedom in the first place.

We are pursuing FIRE and saving all this money so we can have more time. More time to do the things we enjoy and more time to spend together as a family. The pursuit of FIRE should not prevent us from doing these things. But the truth is that sometimes it does.

That’s not to say that we should delegate anything and everything to make our lives easier. After all, there is value in learning and doing things for yourself. The renovation work that we’ve done on the house has taught us some valuable skills which we plan to use again in the future. Although some of the work was frustrating, we ultimately feel a lot of pride in what we’ve accomplished. Doing things ourselves did save us a lot of money, but it also gave us something else valuable.  

In the end, removing those bushes may or may not have been possible to do on a DIY basis. And if it could, it would have required renting some expensive equipment, more of Mr. RFL’s time and possible injury. It just wasn’t worth the effort in this case, and spending the money to hire professionals and preserve our time and sanity was the best decision we could have made.

So, here’s your reminder (and mine):

It’s okay to spend money on things you value… even if you’re working towards becoming debt-free or achieving financial independence. Sometimes you just have to let go of the guilt and enjoy the journey.

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