Ever have a conversation with someone that ended up foreshadowing a life changing event? I have. It was during a meeting with my boss just before starting maternity leave. To be clear, the event was not the birth of our beautiful healthy daughter, as you might expect. This is why I really quit my high paying job before achieving financial independence.
Building a career
After receiving degrees in business and accounting, I spent most of my 15-year career as a CPA at one of the largest professional accounting and consulting firms in the world. The job was a challenging, fast-paced and financially rewarding; however, it also required being “on call” 24/7 and frequently working long hours in a high stress environment.
By 2015, I was ten years in and had recently returned from a long-term assignment in London. During the two years abroad, I was able to learn new skills and travel all over Europe with my now husband. There was rarely a day during that time where I didn’t feel like I was truly “living” life.
Once we returned to the US, I was again faced with an all-consuming career. I also needed to decide if I was going to pursue partnership at the firm or get on with my life.
I enjoyed working with smart professionals and the camaraderie we built jam packed in a conference room for long days. But I didn’t love the work. Though the job was challenging enough to make the day go by quickly, it also involved a lot of personal sacrifice. The intense hours and high stress prevented me from spending time with friends or pursuing hobbies for many years. It also caused me to neglect my health and wellness.
As time passed, I began to dread getting out of bed in the morning; most days felt like I was just going through the motions rather than living. I knew that partnership would require even more personal sacrifice, even if it did come with a fat paycheck. If you live your life only for the weekends, you end up missing out on the majority of it! Why sacrifice any more of my “best years” for something I knew wouldn’t make me happy?!
The fateful conversation
Alas, on that fateful day, I sat down with my boss to discuss career plans for when I returned from the maternity leave about to begin. I finally had enough courage to say out loud “I don’t want to be a partner.”
I think it surprised him. Most people don’t suffer through public accounting for that many years if they aren’t in it for the long haul. Even fewer will publicly admit that intent to a senior partner – it can be career suicide.
Being honest about my intentions made it easier to ask for a “part-time” role upon my return. I use quotations when I say “part-time,” because I was intending to come back between 75-80% workload. In public accounting, this is about 40 hours/week, or what normal people call “full-time.” I didn’t know how I would feel after having a child. Though, I had a feeling that it would change me, likely pushing me further in the direction I was already leaning.
My boss was incredibly supportive and understood the value of time with family. One of his children had survived a scare with cancer at a young age. He was a supporter of my career; however, encouraged me to follow my heart and reassured me that he would do whatever he could to help me achieve flexibility and balance when I returned.
As I was leaving his office at the end of the meeting, he left me with some parting wisdom. A common adage about work life balance. “No one on their deathbed has ever said, I wish that I had spent more time at the office.” We both laughed.
A life changed
A few days after that conversation, I gave birth to a healthy little girl. While I fully expected having children to change me – the real wake-up call came from a brush with my own mortality.
There were complications during the birth and an emergency hysterectomy was performed to try and save my life. I hadn’t realized how close I had been to death until hearing the doctors use phrases like “touch and go” and worse in the days following.
Despite the odds, I had survived. Hopefully without any complications, other than the inability to bear future children (we had hoped for two or three). I was almost a statistic. We don’t contemplate maternal mortality often in the United States, but it does happen here.
My boss was right. On my deathbed, I had not wished that I had spent more time working; rather, the opposite. Fear and sadness overwhelmed me. I had in no way lived the life I’d imagined.
The event forced me to think about what really matters in life and how I want to be remembered. I want to have more time with friends and family; to connect with others; to contribute more to my community; and to experience a fuller more meaningful life.
Mr. RichFrugalLife and I lived well below our means for a while, and determined we could get by on a lower household income. Why trade so much of our time and energy for more money if we had enough? Money can buy you fancy cars and Prada bags, but it can’t buy you time or happiness.
To work, or not to work?
To say the decision to leave was difficult would be an understatement. It took almost three years to finally pull the trigger and leave my high paying job.
Why so long? Well for starters, I was good at my job. I had derived my sense of self-worth from intellectual accomplishments (both academic and professional) for my entire adult life. In fact, I had dedicated so much of my time and energy to this cause, that I had no idea who I was outside of work. Where would that sense of worth would come from if I left? I’m still trying to figure that out. Pride and ambition were surely the biggest hurdles in making this decision.
At the same time, the rational side of me knew that it was silly to sacrifice even more in order to achieve something that I didn’t really want. Deep down I knew that I was just trying to prove I could do it and achieve “success” as society defines it. I acknowledge that this is an incredibly stupid mindset. I’m embarrassed that I almost based such an important life decision on what others might think of me. However, it’s the reality of the situation.
Fear was another major hurdle. For many years I blamed work for the negatives in my life. What if I finally left the job and I was still unhappy, anti-social and overweight? I was paralyzed by the possibility of making the change and failing to achieve the life I wanted.
The final factor that made this decision hard, was of course, money. I had finally achieved a six-figure salary and had the potential to make even more if I were to stay. I could also leave for a high-power accounting or finance role at another company. The opportunity cost of walking away from a making good money to making none is huge. I felt like I needed to be 100% sure and have a really good reason to do so.
I quit my high paying job (finally)
When Mr. RFL received a great job offer out west, we agreed that I should take the “easy out” and quit. I told my company that I would be leaving and declined a transfer to the local office. Though I didn’t quite succeed at taking the out, and ended up working on a (truly) part-time and remote basis for another six months to finish my current project.
Shortly after putting in my formal notice after the project was complete, I got cold feet and ended up taking a finance job in my new city which was demanding and stressful in its own ways. I knew that I had made a mistake shortly thereafter and had to summon the courage to quit another high paying job.
Nearly four years after making the decision to leave a successful finance career, I finally made the leap! I have spent every day since enjoying time with my family and pursuing the healthier, happier, and more fulfilled life that I was too busy to live while climbing the corporate ladder.
Why share this experience?
Even when faced with the ultimate slap in the face from life, I still struggled to make the decision I knew to be the right one for me and my family. I doubt that I’m the only woman grappling with whether to leave a successful career for family or a passion.
If you have struggled or are struggling with a similar decision, I want you to know that you are not alone. I am happy to lend an ear should you need one. In many fields, women still have to work harder to gain respect in the workplace. There is so much pressure to break through the glass ceiling.
It is perfectly OK to stop trying to live up to expectations that were set based on what you’re capable of achieving. I encourage you to redefine what it means to be successful to you (even if that definition differs from the norm). Who wants to be normal anyway?! You are unique and extraordinary!
Want to learn more about the lifestyle we’re pursuing? Check out my first blog post: We’re on a Journey to Financial Independence
